So, as those of you who read (lj)faithinfire will already know, yesterday I was formally diagnosed with depression. This is a good thing, arguably, as it gives me some framework for handling the overwhelming sense of "oh shit, universe falling to pieces" that I've been suffering for the last few weeks and assuming was somehow entirely my own fault.

So while I was at home feeling sorry for myself and very small indeed, koilungfish went out and came home with lookingforsigns, and they brought me presents! ♥♥♥ There were cookies! And Seiber bought me pizza! And... and, and, and...

There were also a whole five booster packs from the Pirates CSG that Seiber and me have been fangirling over lately! Including one from the "Fire & Steel" expansion that has the gorgeous Switchblade and Scorpion miniatures, which have tiny moving parts! Blades that turn on miniature plastic cogs! Now, Seiber had been lucky enough to get a Switchblade ship, HMS Salient, in our very first packs of boosters and I'd been profoundly jealous. But...

As I tore open the Fire & Steel pack, I saw the glint of silver. My eyes widened. Silver-stamped cards! Black super-rare corner tags! All of them! And...

...three entire cards that went to make up a great, pale, hideous monster of a ship. Grey and black and dust white, the pallid shade of old skin and the rotten muted red of dead, stripped meat. And dazzling, silver, twin scythelike blades...

A super-rare, Cursed-fleet Switchblade. Oh. My. GODS.

Her name is Skin Flayer and she is gorgeous. I cannot believe that a random booster pack my friends grabbed for me as a "please cheer up!" present could manage to be the single most coveted set in the whole expansion - witness the bit of paper that fell out after the Skin Flayer (not to mention the Silver Coffin, the Soul Mark treasure card, and Tabitha McWarren, the Cursed pirate girl who joined the crews of the damned when she threw herself from a clifftop for the sake of a dead pirate lover): a note that read "Congratulations! You just dug up the most sought-after treasure chest in the Pirates of the Cursed Seas Fire and Steel pocketmodel game! It contains every super-rare game piece in the set!"

I mean, how extraordinary is that, in those particular circumstances? I think something out there loves me at least as much as my friends do. ♥♥♥

Laters,
Rath

A propos de rien, except that sternenstaub mentioned the Eurovision, I've just found the bestest photo of Lordi that I've seen in ages. Castle + monsters = win. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

WUS last night was completely off the sanity chart, since we got a prog set and a weird covers set right after each other. Word to the wise: don't cover Megadeth. You do not sound like Dave Mustaine, and consequently absolutely nothing you can do to the vocals will do anything but detract from the awesome. On the good side, I did get to headbang myself into rapturous oblivion to the Children of Bodom cover of Alice Cooper's Bed of Nails, which is one of the most brilliant things ever. There's this one moment in the chorus where the lead guitar line collides absolutely amazingly with the note Alexi's singing and it makes the back of my neck tingle every time. Eeeeeeeeee. *shivers*

There were also two (that I picked up) weird Manowar covers in there and now I have a terrible urge to listen to Manowar a lot. Okay, I don't think that's so terrible, but I bet everyone else does.

Meanwhile, I am so dead of tired right now. Luckily I am off work this afternoon. Downtime plz...

Laters,
Rath

Hello everybody...

First, I'd like to just direct anyone who doesn't read my Livejournal ((lj)faithinfire) over there briefly to this post featuring a photo of my NEW TATTOO! ^____^ Mostly I posted this as a thank you to everyone who's donated to the Rath Tattoo Fund over the last couple of years - so if that's you, please go and see!

Meanwhile, in other news, I am having terminally bad luck with matters musical today. A moment of silence, please, for a fallen trooper - the half-dead ghettoblaster in our kitchen saw fit to irretrievably chew up my old cassette copy of the Last Action Hero soundtrack. :( It's not that I can't replace it, but that tape was one of my old tapes, from when I was a teenager; one of the ones I picked up for cheap in one of the tiny, dusty old record stores in Bradford that I haunted on Friday afternoons when I'd sneaked out of school. Those tapes, the ones I bought with stashed dinner money back before I was even old enough to go to gigs on my own, are practically like horcruxes or something - there's a piece of my soul in every one, and to have one of them die such a sorry death is more gutting than it has any right to be. "Farewell my friend, you will be missed!" :(

And in the meantime, I also just discovered I've lost my copy of The Rasmus's Dead Letters, which is really annoying because I've had the gorgeous "F-F-F-Falling" stuck in my head for a day and a half now and really want to play it again on something other than YouTube. Did I lend that CD to anyone, by any chance? *peers forlornly into the abyss*

Laters,
Rath

I didn't post this when I got in last night in the end because it was late and I was exhausted. So Friday's six, first:

1. Finishing work for the holidays! This is very important, obviously.
2. Getting a pack of the bracelet-type glowsticks on our table at the Downing Christmas dinner! And being very amused that all my colleagues were too, ah, mainstream to know what they were and how to make them work. *g* I stole two green ones in honour of DX, and a pink and a blue one just for the hell of it.
3. The fact that the puddings at said Christmas dinner CAME UP THROUGH THE FLOOR. Murray Edwards College (aka New Hall), where we were eating, has a servery area that can be raised through the middle of the dining hall floor, and they used this to bring up the dessert plates! Dimmed lights, sparkthrowers on the corners of the counters, and the James Bond theme as an accompaniment (O_O) - it was a fantastic piece of spectacle. Whoever came up with that one deserves a bonus.
4. Managing, early in the evening, to hit the DJ with one of those long balloons that you blow up and let go of and they go flying across the room. SCORE! (I wasn't even aiming for him, but don't tell anyone.)
5. Playing air guitar to Status Quo in front of all my colleagues. Admittedly that was the only thing they played at the disco that called for air guitar at all, but still. And the video was up on the screens (Rockin' All Over The World, for the record) and my gods, the Quo boys were adorable when they were young. ^_^
6. Stopping off on the way home to lie on the grass out on the fens, just basking in the knowledge that I was free for the next two weeks. I love the night, and the sky, and being alone just sometimes.

Admittedly (lj)naranek stood me up for said dinner, but you can't have everything. *pokes and grins*

And today, ie Saturday:

1. Being on holiday, which is still making me happy!
2. The epic success that was the Triad early-Christmas-dinner. I made a full roast dinner with all the trimmings and ate until I can currently barely move. No fewer than FOUR kinds of pudding were involved. I rock.
3. Getting awesome Christmas presents from my friends, the absolute pinnacle of which has to be the pageful of chibis that deepbluesquee drew for me. There are no words for how thrilled I am with this.
4. Decorating the Christmas tree(s) and getting tinsel all over everything and everywhere, including on my own head (where it still is).
5. Spending the evening belting out Twisted Sister, Lordi, Zodiac Mindwarp, Blue Oyster Cult and Whitesnake. I fucking love proper hard rock. I love feeling my heart lift and my feet tap and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it. And I love how easy it is to do anything from cooking to dishes to cleaning when I've got something to sing along with, too. Best of the night had to be Whitesnake's Saints and Sinners, which was one of the first rock albums I ever owned (taped for me by my cousin when I was only about fourteen) and I always love to hear again. I'm such a sucker for good memories. ^_^
6. The simple delight of hanging out with people I love... and who can reduce me to laughing until I think I'm going to turn inside out. Never underestimate the joys of daft, perverted, and completely deranged friends.

So yeah. Good day. Gooooooood day. *contented sigh* How are you guys?

Hail Slaanesh and happy Christmas,
The Navigator

I have this horrible feeling I'm losing my memory. This is not fucking funny. Why do I keep losing the names of things? Stupid stuff, usually names of places (like Indigo's cafe the other day - that scared me) or albums or whatever. Not facts or concepts so much (though my ability to remember verbatim quotes is apparently also going) or things like "where did I leave my keys?" but... names. And forgetting names is scary.

Though apparently if I take two tries at it I can still list all the Eighteen Legions and Primarchs thereof, which made me feel fractionally better when I tried it as a mental test earlier. I can still get all the Traitor Legions on a single pass, perhaps unsurprisingly - it was the Loyalists who took me two attempts, and the ones I couldn't think of were the White Scars (who fall slightly under "who?" anyway) and the Ultramarines (D'OH!!!!)

Speaking of the Traitor Legions and also of things I can't remember properly, I wish I could recall more details of the dream I had last night that had a couple of the Thousand Sons and the Emperor's Children wandering around it. I do recall being pinned in a vicious armlock by something with tentacles that was sneering mockingly in my ear, and looking up to see tarnished blue and bronze filling my vision as this huge figure turned to focus its attention on me... brr. I should probably have been a lot more frightened but I was too busy being blown away by finding myself in the presence of an honest-to-gods Chaos Marine to even think of being scared, because, well, dude.

There were also zombies (which started out as just heads - apparently they grew bodies when they were raised) and some very bizarre plot involving someone trying to conquer the world and Unicronians turned human and looking completely lame, but the stuff with the two Traitors is the bit that's mentally stuck. For which I'm quite grateful as it was clearly the best bit.

So, yeah. Anyone know of any good ways to improve your memory? (Apart, of course, from going back to playing Kim's Game.)

Laters,
The Navigator

Just saw a Youtube video for Sonata Arctica's The Worlds Forgotten, The Words Forbidden. However there was an unfortunate grocer's apostrophe inserted, so as to make my initial mental parsing come out as:

"Sonata Arctica: The world's forgotten the words."

Much as laughing at that cheered me up, I still feel that the poster deserves the Captain America icon for it. And to all the people saying we should let the misplaced apostrophe pass as "correct" and simply call it a change in usage - this sort of thing is why I disagree with you.

In other news, I finally cracked and subscribed myself to several wrestling fan comms over on LJ. I'd been trying to avoid this as I hate doing the thing where I drift in and out of fandoms and pick up a whole long tail of comms on my friendslist in the process, but it sat on my head until I didn't have a choice. Sigh. Still, maybe I'll make some new friends. ^_^

Finally, after sorting out my situation as much as I can - bad news, folks. I can't afford to keep the Lyndon any more, and this time I'm serious, there is no way out of it and I'm not getting my money's worth out of her anyway. :( So if anyone is interested in, or knows anyone who'd be interested in, buying a part-renovated, late-seventies 25' GRP river cruiser (working engine, safety certificate for the next couple of years, perfectly functional and usable but cosmetically in need of some more work), please do get in touch! Given the current economic climate, price is "make me an offer" - though for the record I paid £6,000 for her and would be very grateful to recoup that at least.

I don't want to do this but I'm going to be grownup about it, dammit. She deserves someone who can take better care of her than I can. :/

Laters,
The Navigator

I'm having a clearout. And one of the things that's going to get cleared is a bunch of my old homecopied tapes, and some CDs I don't need or that are duplicates or whatever, and a bunch of books. Plus random craftbits and possibly a few stray plushies, bath things, nail polish and shit like that.

Does anyone want grab bags? I'm happy to send people parcels of Random Stuff They Might Like, at no charge, just to clear some space and get my stuff good homes! If you're interested, please post below, saying what you're interested in (in particular, if I don't know your musical tastes, tell me what you like - the available stuff will mostly be old classic rock and metal, a few bits of goth and maybe a bit of more extreme stuff. Also, TELL ME IF YOU CAN PLAY TAPES, cos I know not everyone can any more!)

The books, of which there probably won't be too many, are likely to be trashy horror and fantasy for the most part plus a bunch of true-supernatural-tales and similar coffee table junk. ;) Nail polish, craft stuff and jewellery - many colours of paper, wool, trimmings, and similar bits and bats.

All takers, sign below! I'll distribute stuff till I run out of it, so I can't promise who'll get what and how much, but hey, it's free stuff, no?

Cheers,
Rath

(crossposted to LJ!)

I have a new bed - well, sort of a bed. It's actually a large bean bag that was given to me by deepbluesquee, and Koi took a photo of me curled up in it with my nose sticking out of the duvet, and... well, see above. ^_^

Interestingly, though, it seems to make me sleep a bit differently. More lightly, I think, to be precise. I seem to wake up in the middle of the night more often (which is cool, as the full moon has been shining straight through my window for the last couple of nights and it's absolutely magic getting to see that at five am when nobody else is awake). But the one difference I've really noticed is that I seem to be dreaming more than I was, and this is a good thing because when I don't dream, I feel wretched when I wake up and am well below optimal levels of functionality for the rest of the day.

Does anyone else notice what effect their dreams have on their wellbeing, out of curiosity? Or am I just weird? (If Freddy Krueger ever shows up, of course, I'm proper screwed...)

Meanwhile, in other news, I went in Body Shop yesterday and treated myself to some new bath things. Their Christmas range this year (amber/cranberry/vanilla) is fantastic. Especially the Vanilla Spice body lotion, as it's got gold shimmer in it and leaves you sparkling all over like some kind of demented Mary-Sue while also being incredibly good for your skin. I shall definitely be using this more.

Now, though, I'm stuck at work and miserably bored. Entertain me? Anyone? Please?

Laters,
Rath

PS And in the news today: Obama's new Secret Service codename is "Renegade". I like it. ^_^ Meanwhile, there's finally a proper sighting on a planet orbiting Fomalhaut... iä, Cthugha!

I'd never heard this song before today, but I picked it up while Youtube-surfing and suddenly found myself with my eyes stinging: Belinda Carlisle, Summer Rain. Usually in my life, when I've been lonely it's been because I was missing one particular person who I already loved... but this song?

Just makes me wish I was in love at all.

And wish I was in America, but that's kinda a given with me. *s*

Though speaking of America, the other song I've been falling in love with today (for the millionth time, but, y'know) is Black Velvet, which I link here just in case there's one person left in the world who doesn't know it and happens to be reading my journal. I don't feel up to articulating right now why I love this song so much, but I really do.

Hmm. Looking at my journal, I note that of my last ten posts, more than half have been locked "private". This is not the way I used to do things. Guess I don't feel like sharing at the moment... I'm in the kind of mood lately where if you met me face to face, I'd be distantly moody and kicking at small stones on the asphalt and not really able to explain why. Halfway between not feeling sure I want to say anything, and not being convinced that anyone wants to hear it anyway.

Oh, well. When we can't speak for ourselves... that's what music's for.

Laters,
The Navigator

For the benefit of those who stood by me and of those who had to go to bed - I'm not dead. Hello people. *s* Thank you so much (lj)fluffymormegil, (lj)oml404 (hope you're feeling better mate!), (lj)lonescorpion raisedbymoogles, deepbluesquee, lookingforsigns and sternenstaub for all being there for me in one capacity and another.

So yeah, I got out of work at two thirty yesterday. That is, two thirty IN THE MORNING. It's quite bizarre, my IJ posts show off the descent of my brain quite neatly. First post is a simple "oh bugger, have to work late," unlocked. Second is a panicked plea for help, locked down to a few close friends. Third, completely private, is the draft of a very ill-advised email that I'm really glad I didn't send, from sometime around midnight. Oh dear.

This is your brain on copy-editing...

Laters,
Rath

I just resisted buying a rare album I really, really want[1], even though it was the cheapest I'll probably ever see it. Because if I did, I wouldn't have enough money to get to the next paycheque and still be able to go to the Midsummer Fair. Which means that dammit, I AM going to the Fair now I've made such a horrible sacrifice to be able to do it. Who's going and which days?

And last night I dreamed I was wandering around Whitby with someone I actually fancy IRL (dear brain, that was the height of self-indulgence) and another person who I know I knew in the dream but can only remember now as a huge, hulking, sinister figure who I'd have been afraid of if they weren't an old friend. However, even my nice dreams manage to be disturbing, as witness the recurring motif of brown paper parcels with suspicious white powder in.

Oh, and then there was the bit where I and unknown-friend had to catch the demon cat-thing that was crawling into people's mouths and eating their insides. The part where I had to hold the ends of this furry aberration while my friend cut it in half was possibly the single most grotesque thing I've ever had to do even in my sleep. O_O

Meanwhile, the staircase outside my office smells as though someone has been raising undead cabbages from the grave. I don't think I'm eating at work today. *gag*

Laters,
The Navigator

[1] Five years ago, I could have picked it up for a tenner, and I didn't because (lj)oml404 had it. The moral of this is: no matter how much you love someone, always buy your own copy. *headdesk*

(Also, when an album you remember glancing over on the merchandise stall at the gig has become a hundred-pounds-a-copy collectable? You're old. :p )

So. It's coming up on summer again, and as last summer and the one before, this means I have a problem. I can't wear short sleeves in front of my parents.

( Wibbling under here. Advice/support very much welcomed. )