Bon Jovi, Heartbreak Eyes.

This apparently is a lost demo from the first Bon Jovi album. The user who posted it has a ton of similar outtakes, demos and so on (man, gonna be here all night!), but Bon Jovi has a particular place in my heart, so this is something a little special for me.

Cos... one of the fucked up things, for me, about the invention of sound and video capture technology is that even while it gives us chance to have the past at our fingertips, it really rams home the fact that you can't have it all, ever. There's more material already on record than any one person could ever sift for everything they wanted to hear, and much of it locked in vaults or forgotten in attics where you couldn't get to it anyway; and that's before you start asking for the stuff that wasn't caught on the magic reels, the one-nights-only that nobody taped, the old episodes that the BBC threw out. The rehearsals where someone achieved that one perfect riff while the deck wasn't running.

And even what we do capture and get to general release, is never the same as being there. This is why I love eighties hair metal videos and watch them with tears in my eyes; they're like tiny perfect splinters, sent shattering to the winds when the nineties put a sledgehammer through my sonic birthright and sent the pieces flying through time on the precarious wings of VH1 Classic and fans' old tape collections. And somehow, miraculously, they survived until now, twenty years later, they can embed themselves under my skin and dump their small cargos of preserved light and sound and beauty into my veins. I'm staring through a Youtube-sized, pixellated window into an age that doesn't exist any more and probably never did outside the daydreams of a pack of fluffy-haired adolescents in tight trousers, and it hurts so much to know that it was broken before I ever got there - but I can never stop hunting for more pieces.

...maybe some part of me still does believe that one day I'll find them all and be able to put it back together. *soft smile*

Rath

[This is Thursday's post that I didn't make because the internet crashed. Friday's later on!]

More than half way! Though to be honest I don't know that I'm going to want to stop this after eight days... it's good for my mood as it makes me take a mental note of everything good that happens over the day. ^_^ So today:

1. lookingforsigns bought me a gorgeous opalite stone! Opalite is magic - in low light it's the blue-green white of winter ice, but any light shining through it comes out on the other side a deep, glowing red-orange colour. Like fire at the heart of winter... so beautiful I feel like I should have gone blind just staring into it. Thank you, sis. *s*
2. Looking at the moldavite pendants in Nomads, at sternenstaub's suggestion. I know exactly which one I want - it's a piece of rough moldavite held by silver wire, with a pink cabochon-cut stone above it. I held it in my hands for a few moments and my palms tingled for the next five minutes. Unfortunately it costs *whisper* a hundred and twenty pounds, so I will almost certainly never have it... but it made me happy to look at and touch it for a bit anyway. (Moldavite is earth that was thrown up by a meteorite impact and fell back fused into olive-green glassy stone, by the bye - it's weird and wonderful in the highest degree!)
3. Indigo's smoked-salmon-and-cream-cheese bagels - awesome comfort food - and their caramel slices, which today were absolutely fantastic. Basic-style good food is one of life's most underrated luxuries.
4. Koi doing an impression of a set of bagpipes attacking somebody. This is a noise I don't think I can physically describe, but I laughed until it hurt. Koi is great at sound effects. ^_^
5. Various mental images involving attractive men, whips, and black leather. Why my brain is generating this sort of thing today I do not know but I am not about to complain.
6. Music! Within Temptation's The Silent Force is a gorgeous, gorgeous album. *sighs happily*

Laters,
Rath

I'd never heard this song before today, but I picked it up while Youtube-surfing and suddenly found myself with my eyes stinging: Belinda Carlisle, Summer Rain. Usually in my life, when I've been lonely it's been because I was missing one particular person who I already loved... but this song?

Just makes me wish I was in love at all.

And wish I was in America, but that's kinda a given with me. *s*

Though speaking of America, the other song I've been falling in love with today (for the millionth time, but, y'know) is Black Velvet, which I link here just in case there's one person left in the world who doesn't know it and happens to be reading my journal. I don't feel up to articulating right now why I love this song so much, but I really do.

Hmm. Looking at my journal, I note that of my last ten posts, more than half have been locked "private". This is not the way I used to do things. Guess I don't feel like sharing at the moment... I'm in the kind of mood lately where if you met me face to face, I'd be distantly moody and kicking at small stones on the asphalt and not really able to explain why. Halfway between not feeling sure I want to say anything, and not being convinced that anyone wants to hear it anyway.

Oh, well. When we can't speak for ourselves... that's what music's for.

Laters,
The Navigator

I feel really quite ill today. The muscles in my jaw and forehead are aching and I feel like I'm dragging my brain along by the scruff of its frontal lobe. Thankfully I can go home in about half an hour.

...also, I swear I'm going to EAT my colleague for that awful eight-bit-style classical piece she's got as her cellphone ring. I did not need that right now. *whines and clutches head* Everything seems to be so nuts at the moment. I just want to go outside and curl up on a bit of abandoned blacktop somewhere and sleep in the sun for about a week. At least my sis deepbluesquee is back on Monday, I've missed her. :/

In other news, does anyone not have, and want, a copy of Lordi's The Arockalypse? I... might just have kinda sorta cracked and bought the special edition yesterday, so my old copy is now free to a good home. >.>

Argh. Ow. Brain. Sod this, I'm leaving work early. *splat*

Laters,
The Navigator

For once, I did NOT ask to be awake at five in the morning. But I am. Also I think I have found the song I want to slice my own ribcage open for so I can tuck it into the cavity of my heart and never be without it. Song in question is Goteki's Shinjuku Lullaby, as if everything they've already done to me over the years wasn't enough, now there's this and it's so much of the truth and beauty of this perfect fucking perfect world that... I don't have words, and I just typoed that as "I don't have worlds", which is not right at all because the problem is more that I have too many of those. Every time I think it can't get betterworsewhatever it does, and every time is one more step towards an ultimate mystery that's an infinite number of steps away and somehow, all the same, this is progress.

...oh, and then there's a remix which may actually be more beautiful and therefore hurt more than the original. I think I want to die. Please. Now, quietly, lying in a gutter in the grey before the dawn, with the sky turning silver-blue between the tops of the skyscrapers and the gulls calling above, and this song playing in my ears. Maybe that way I'd rest in peace. I almost think I would.

(Not suicidal, btw. Just want to die this way. Not the same thing. Don't worry.)

The Navigator, staring at the sky and watching the neons blinking...

It just opened up outside and rained so hard for a few moments. I think it's still raining, though not as hard, as I just heard a crash of thunder. Guess who came out today in shirt sleeves and without her jacket?

I can tell I need regeneration, on some level, because I'm quietly praying that it will still be raining when I go out to walk home. Walking three miles in a summer storm sounds welcome, today.

Laters,
The Navigator



So we spread like fire, like fire burns the land
So we rise like steam... assemble
Assemble and command.